Somewhere, somehow I must have taken a wrong turn. Trusting the GPS is not always the right thing to do, unless it leads to where I am meant to be as opposed to where I thought I was headed.
I have a long used and proven get unlost strategy. I pick a car that looks right and follow it. Inevitably it leads to a main road or some icon I use to plot my way home.
Sadly, what works in traffic does not seem adequate in other spheres. After all you don’t want to go through life following everyone else, at least I don’t. I want to blaze my own trail.
Problem is I seem to have mislaid my machete and I can’t see the woods for the trees.
Taking the road less travelled is good and well in prose, but in life it’s a little more complicated.
I have found myself at a crossroads.
To the left is nice tarred highway that makes a giant loop around the city. It’s well lit and signposted. A return to the safety net of full time employment, 9 to 5, round and round, going nowhere, but comfortably.
To the right is bugger all. Only, there is a rainbow hovering over the horison and birds sing in the trees. And shadows lurk in the dark places keeping pace with my footsteps.
I really want to go right.
Only, I have no clear direction in mind, no objective at the end. Except for a fleeting glimpse of some freedom to live without boundaries.
There may be a pot of gold, more likely there is a cunning Leprechaun waiting to swindle me out of it. Met them before. Once bitten and all that.
And there’s nothing wrong with being safe.
Maybe I am too old to take risks and chase rainbows.
Maybe I should just put on the old power suit, get a haircut and ease on the painfully chic high heels. I’d be a businesswoman in drag.
I want the freedom to work in my own time in my own place.
I want to not feel the clawing talons of debt in the pit of my stomach.
I want to breathe fresh clean air.
I want to pick my kids up from school and help with homework.
I want to something that makes the world a little brighter, a little better.
I want a miracle.
Just a little one.
The Blurred Line 