Swing low sweet chariot

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A funny thing happened on the way to the accountant.

Accountants, well my accountant who I imagine to be a accurate representation of all accountants, is fairly staid.

In other words not much of the noir sense of humour that governs my life is readily apparent in his suit and tie, cubicle world.

Yesterday I rocked that world.

I am currently working on a job for a generic Viagra. As a result I had open on my PC numerous pages on the sensitive topic of erectile dysfunction.

mae-west-actress-a-hard-man-is-good-toWhile I was out on an errand, the Husband, unaware, came by and took off the laptop to the accountants. There surrounded by little gray men and women he opened it up to reveal… TA DAH… How to Rate Your Hard On.

He casually minimised the page only to be greeted by… The Ins and Outs of Erectile Dysfunction.

“Oh, that must be my wife,” he said, “She’s working on it at the moment.”

Poor man.

I learned quite a lot about erectile dysfunction yesterday.

A lot of it quite terrifying.

erectile_dysfunction150 million men worldwide are treated for it.

Only 10% of men ever seek professional help.

Which makes that 150 million 10% larger.

(You see, how hard it is to avoid innuendo!)

What is scary is not the tremendous number of men not rising to the occasion, but how often it is the first symptom of far more serious medical conditions.

In fact, you can think of the appendage as a sort of medical dipstick.

2935897406_bbac698e96Heart disease, prostate cancer, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, all these first manifest, well by little Henry not manifesting.

So, if more men spoke to their doctors earlier on, they could avoid open heart surgery and other even less attractive fates.

Over 50% of men over the age of 40 suffer from droopy dicks.

That is a LOT of  men and a LOT of women affected by proxy.

Welcome to the Mid Life Crisis boys and girls.

A new Ferrari ain’t gonna get your motor running.

Neither will trading in your wife for a younger model bring life back into the bedroom.

A visit to the Doc just might.

Even more horrifying is the correlation between erectile dysfunction and domestic abuse.

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With nothing left down below to show manly prowess, fists seem to do the job just as well.

As a woman, once a year I subject myself to the ignominious and invasive pap smear and breast cancer scan.

It is not pleasant, but girls seem to have managed to get over the stigma enough to take action.

Men, on the other hand, haven’t.

So, if your sweet chariot is swinging too low, swallow your pride and get to your GP.

It could save more than your sex life. It could save your life.

Black & White

Scott is wearing a funny hat today

We’re celebrating Women’s Day

Apparently I was supposed to wear white

So I forgot! It slipped my mind alright?

I also forgot the twenty bucks entrance fee

And I’m wearing all black which looks like some bourgeoisie

Attempt to defy authority

Which it is not!

Christina and I did a quick cash run

Across the road in the bright bright sun

The ATMs have gone on the blink

Run out of money or run out of ink

So I stood in a queue and filled out a form

And waited around which is kinda the norm

In that type of place.

It turns out the drilling in my parking bay

Is transforming it for women’s day

Which is cool but then again not

If it fucks up my parking spot

After all as I have been heard to say

Someone died to give me that parking bay

Women’s Day. Ja, whatever.

I’ve escaped to hang out with the guys and drink beer.

Got a goody bag though filed with free stuff

Fabric softener, tampons and some other fluff

Oh and the best of all a Viagra pen

So you can write with it again and again and again

It was sweet of the gals to arrange this deal

Not all that sure about the woman abuse spiel

A bit depressive for an upbeat day

Basically why I chose to run away