Pixie Dust and Pratfalls

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

All you need is faith and trust.

And a little bit of pixie dust.

Think of the happiest things.

It’s the same as having wings.

Until it isn’t.

Yes, like Britney Spears, I did it again. I fell from grace. Oops.

Seconds before I had skipped as happy as a cloud across the garage floor and leapt into the air like a gazelle. The plan was to land on some spilled dried macaroni pasta and make a deliciously satisfying crunch.

I jumped and my happy thoughts and pixie dust saw my feet rising of the floor, past my head and up into the sky. There was a moment when airbourne, that I thought I was flying.

And then I realised the opposite was true and in fact I wasn’t.

That’s when the pixie dust failed.

My initial landing would have won me 10 points on the gymnastic mat. It was the weight of my ego-inflated noggin that did me in.

Gravity is not something to be denied by a mere mortal such as I. My head hit the immovable force that is the planet Earth.

Tweety birds and sarcastic Tinkerbells flew around my eyes in dizzying circles.

Then I heard the laughing. The guffawing. The snickering.

After ensuring I was in fact still alive, my son and spouse were doubled over weeping.

I think in future I shall buy bubble-wrap and jump on it in private.

The Marbles and the Elephant

3324_002_Fotor ELLIE

I don’t always lose my marbles, but when I do I lose them all.

Not just the one marble.

Every single marble.

It was EPIC!

They scurry across the floor to hide in every corner and with every step I trip over one and land on my arse.

A pratfall (to fall on one’s buttocks).

Many pratfalls.

I pratfell.

 

I was handling my shit like a septic tank drainer.

I called paramedics for my mum when she broke her leg.

I took her across country to the hospital.

I packed her bags.

I checked her in.

I got her a pillow.

I finally managed after 12 hours to get her a painkiller.

I took her dog to the dogsitter.

 

And when I got home…

I saw that I had laddered my stocking.

Cue hysterical laughter.

 

And when I got ready for bed…

I realised that I had got my period.

Cue a few tears.

 

And when I got to work in the morning…

I realized I was once more in the wrong place and the wrong time.

Cue total breakdown.

 

I mean total losing of shit.

No pretty romance novel sniffles this.

Nope. Full on gulping sobs, rivers of snot and rising vomit.

Total and complete eradication of all dignity.

I gave up and went home, took some anxiety meds and slept for 8 hours.

 

Cue Monday.

I was dreading the walk of shame.

And…

No-one said a thing.

Not a peep.

Nothing.

It’s not like I didn’t just fall apart at the seams scattering marbles (of which I don’t have any to spare at the best of times) all over the faux wood floor.

They just handed me back a few marbles that I had managed to miss and we all carried on like nothing had happened.

Not bad for a girl who thought she might sent off to one of those places where they rehabilitate drug addicts and marble losers.  A girl, who for a few hours in the dead of night, saw being medically boarded as the next event horison.

Me and my invisible pink spotted-elephant just shrugged and got back to work.