Does Jesus want me for a sunbeam
Or to light a fire under someone else’s ass?
I tend to err on the side of the latter
As I a strike a match to light their methane gas
Kaboom, kablooey off they go
If nothing else they made a beautiful firework show
I fear the tables may have turned on me
That I may be struck down suddenly
And without warning by a flash of lightning
Dispatched in manner incredibly frightening
I know I could never work in a bank
As a sailor I’d be responsible for every ship that sank
I’d be a lousy tennis player and not a baseball star
My sporting prowess more a source of raucous laughter
So I ended up in advertising and my friends look on with pity
As I stick up billboards everywhere across Joburg city
I know what I do is trivial and not all that deserving of respect
But I do it pretty well – better than a banker would I bet!
Do I dream of something else, some post-apocalyptic skill
Like a hunter or a doctor or some vocation that will
Save the world we live in and keep us all alive
Yes, but all I have to offer now is some amusing rhymes!
I give thanks then that I married a man with all the skills I need
To hunt for food and fix my car and other heroic deeds
And if today I succeed in giving you a smile
Than at least it may stave off the end of the world for a while
It’s funny the things I take for granted
That a few years ago had not been invented
I blithely assume that everyone can use the Internet
Can email and Google and knows about GREP
I assume that everyone on my team
Backs up their work on the server, do you know what I mean?
But it turns out that that’s not what they do
And I can’t even blame them, can you?
Eskom’s load shedding often leaves us powerless
Unable to work and meet deadlines even less
Our network is a seesaw on IT’s playground
So, (and there’s no nice way to say it) we get screwed around
Which is why they save the work on their desktops instead
And take their computers home with them when they are sick in bed
Which brings me to my next topic of discussion for the day
Martyrs and martyrdom should really stay away
From my studio when they are really ill
If I get sick because of them I’ll send them my doctor’s bill
We all like to think we are irreplaceable and perfectly unique
But I can someone else to do the work – you dig?
So stay in bed and sleep, take your pills every 4 hours
We’ll handle the work and send you some pretty flowers
Marais is feeling a trifle peeved
The changes I’ve marked are not to be sneezed
at. I’ve typed them all out, I’m a little anal that way
To be sure no small error slips away
I knew he’d be pretty mad at me
Which is why I tried to get the job into DTP
Now the servers are down and I can’t get in
The mails not working and I can’t log in
It renders me nearly apoplectic
And they have no idea when it’ll be fixed!