Things I never thought I’d say

Parenting is a minefield. When they’re babies you find yourself speaking earnestly to other young mothers about the quality and quantity of poop. As they get older you have to say things like, “Are you wearing panties? Let me see. No, you are not wearing panties. Where are your panties? In the fridge. Of course, […]

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OMG Did I Just Say That?

Sometimes words pop out my mouth and bypass any filtration system entirely.

Then they hang there in the air like a physical thing while their full meaning sinks in.

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AtoZ: Y is for Yesterday

Yesterday was a public holiday, Freedom Day. It marks the first free and fair elections in a democratic South Africa. I could’ve gone to a political rally. I could’ve gone shopping. I didn’t. I lay in the sun surrounded by the sounds of happy children and the sighs of sleeping dogs. It was a good […]

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AtoZ: R is for Ready or Not

The long weekend. A time of family, friends and lots and lots of chocolate. At least that’s what I had imagined. It’s not what happened. It was one of those times where one small inconsequential decision sets of an avalanche of epic proportions. I have a high-pressure water sprayer. It holds me thrall. When wielding […]

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AtoZ: Q is for Quadrophonic

“Hi, Vix. How’d your kids like to be a music video?” “What for?” “We’re making the Jo’burg verison of Pharrell’s Happy music video.” And that’s how it started. So, on a bright and sunny Sunday afternoon I assembled the troops and went deep into suburbia. It was a nice street with Jacaranda trees forming a […]

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AtoZ: P is for Persiflage

Did you there is actually a word for dirty old men? There is. It’s pornogenerian. Isn’t that a fabulous word? He’s such a pornogenerian. And a pornocracy is a government by harlots. I live in a different of ocracy altogether. I live in a paedocracy – government by children, both in my home and the […]

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AtoZ: N is for Not Now, Dear

  “Mum.” “Mum!” “Mom!” “MOMMY!” “VICTORIA!” Huh? Yes? Me? What? I zone. I do. I think it’s a defense mechanism. I do have a highly developed very short-term memory that dissipates come of the social embarrassment of having to admit that I just drifted away there. I can remember verbatim about the last 6 or […]

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AtoZ: L is for La La Land

I think I have taken up permanent residence in La La Land. We’ve just had the rounds of parent-teacher interviews again. The enormity of my hatred for these meetings cannot be adequately expressed in words. This year my husband is going alone. This is better for everyone for so many reasons. If I go, I […]

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AtoZ: J is for Johannesburg

Here’s to Jo’burg, my city. She may not have the Statue of Liberty or Big Ben, but we love her anyway. Warts and all. And for more fun, this weekend I’m taking part in the Johannesburg version of Pharrell’s “I’m Happy”.

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Overheard in the tub

Lying in the bath indulging in quiet navel contemplation, I overheard a conversation between father and son. Father, “Your Granny sure can talk.” Son: ‘Yeah? You should hear it when she and Mommy get together.” Son has reached the point of pre-puberty conversation where words are replaced by grunts, looks and subtle shifts in body […]

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