Hamsters

I have a new-found consideration

For a wheelbound hamster in perpetual motion

I’ll say the same thing in a different way

The same basic shit on a different day

I’ve given my pencil a lethally sharp tip

So think before you give me some ill-timed lip

I’ve got a new job due for today

Bring out the strait jacket and take me away

“We’re going for Afro-futuristic fun

Think Zulu warrior with a laser gun”

I’m smiling but inwardly praying for luck

And screaming in silence, “What the …!”

I’ve got a new boss – did I tell you that

It’d be cool if he wore a funky hat

Cause that would rhyme. Really it’s just too bad

After his very first week no doubt he thinks we’re all mad

He’s not far wrong if that’s the case

Some asshole is drilling a hole in my parking space

And the noise is driving us up the wall

But its all for one and one for all

A brief just came in and we had a kickstart

No-one could call me a bleeding heart

I have no time for a lack of info

Even to save some poor starving muso

The boss just came by and he’s wearing a hat!

I bet you don’t even believe that

Moo Moo Madness

NASA

A day in the life of Brand Activation

Is like the launch desk at the NASA space station

Everyone talking at the top of their voices

Like a JSE trader making his choices

The tap tap tap of keyboard keys

Great ideas cut off at the knees

The sickly smiles of client service AEs

Do they even know how to put in their briefs?

Each day that we sit here, we silently turn

Into characters from some Harry Potter rerun

I’ve propped up my broom on the back of my chair

My crystal ball’s gone in for repair

Marais thinks he is the creative shit

Cutting down Dino with acerbic wit

Scott’s drawing cartoons of the dumb things we say

Wayne has simply disappeared for the day

Christina’s just become the comeback kid

And Theo’s looking at everyone’s tits

The rest of the country is out on strike

But here we are working all though the night

Marais reckons we motivated by passion and love

It can’t be the cash ‘cause there’s never enough

He just might be right, for I haven’t a clue

Why I write some of the lines that I do

Why we do what we do and we are what we are

We all might be mad when viewed from afar

Have a nice day now, don’t have a cow

Scott’s got some moo moos if you need some to chow

Theo and Dino are boxing clever

I think we’re stuck here forever and ever

A copywriter’s lament

I’m stuck in a mire of stupid rhymes

Keen to avoid insane deadlines

I want to work above the line

Put my feet on the desk and pass the time

Go out for lunch on the company card

Wear a beret that is tres avant garde

Yet here I sit, sit , sit, sit

Today I do not like it, not one little bit

You want some vernacular in that AV script?

Then write it yourself you dumb little shit

But I bite my tongue and taste the blood

The sweat and tears that fall in a flood

One morning soon I shall climb to the roof

And leap into space with my parachute