Friday Fictioneers: The big fish

The old men sat in quiet comradery, sipping tall glasses of lager and reminiscing. “Did I tell you about the time I caught a shark?” asked Jack. The assembled company sighed. They’d heard it before and didn’t believe anymore upon its frequent retelling. “I was fishing at the pier, when all of a sudden my […]

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Out of the lion’s jaws

This is the story of Ernest Brockman, a relative of my husband’s, who was badly mauled by a lion in 1896.

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The time he prematurely cremated my relative

A picturesque and slightly surreal British cemetery. Ancient elms towering towards a steely sky. The spire of a chapel casting a looming shadow on the sodden turf. Somber mourners shuffling awkwardly inside shedding overcoats and scarves, and promptly regretting doing so. And the strangers. They had no place here. And yet they came. Reaching the […]

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Unplugged 2019

I wasn’t ignoring you, I just unplugged.

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The Life and Times of Me

  Not that the world gives a shit, but in the off chance that my imaginary future grandchildren might, I thought a few stories of their aged Grandmother might raise a few laughs.   The Day the TV Came Contrary to the opinion of my offspring, I did not emerge fully formed from the womb. […]

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Please Doctor hurt me some more!

  The fear most people associated with the dentist, I associated with the physiotherapist. Those mild-mannered, quietly spoken men and women with disproportionately large hands render me mute with terror. Throughout the session only small moans and incoherent pleas for mercy escape my mouth. This morning I went to see the physio because of a […]

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Doctor Who and the Memory Stick Conundrum

Small boy aged 8 recently found himself the proud owner of a memory stick. When he discovered that despite its enormous bulk a single movie could not fit on to it, he was devastated. “But Mom, why can daddy put three movies on his and I can’t even put one, but mine is bigger than […]

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Parents and Elephants. They never forget.

Parents are special. They love us. We love them. This is prudent, because parents know more about us than we do. All those years we don’t remember? They do. And being clever, they keep this blackmail material closely hoarded and bring it out to share at the worst possible moments. My parents’ favourite fallbacks are: […]

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It’s my birthday!

37 years ago today the world was gifted with me. How terribly conceited is that? As I get older my birthdays get better. Gone is the stomach churning terror no-one would come to my midwinter birthday party. Gone is the mid-twenties depression that saw me hiding under the duvet waiting for the day to pass. […]

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