A woo broom sweeps clean

Retro Housewife Napping

Spring-cleaning is a bitch, no doubt about it, but afterwards, when your house looks clean and you know absolutely that there is not a grain of dust lurking around, that feeling? That’s a good feeling.

This is the same thing, only the dust bunnies fight back. Your house holds a lot of your own spiritual and emotional energy so, just think of it as giving your house a reset.

That works… You can see yourself as a bouncer for a club, tossing unwanted monsters under the bed out onto the pavement.

What you need

  • 1 White candle
  • Tingsha bells / Singing bowl
  • Frankincense resin (Don’t buy the incense sticks. Apparently, they’re largely made up of cow poo and only have a little smidge of actual Frankincense, so stick with the resin.)
  • Dried rosemary and sage / Imphepho  (You can just use Robertson’s Herbs and Spices if you want). 
  • Quick light coals (Not the coals you use to light a braai <barbeque>. You want the little disk-shaped ones. You can get these at a tobacconist or shisha shop.)
  • Athame (Don’t get bogged down here, you can also use your finger, or repurpose a kitchen knife with a dual blade sharp on each side.)
  • Pendulum (Also, this is a nice-to-have.)
  • Holy water (You don’t need to raid the Baptismal font at your local church, you can bless it yourself. Get a glass of boiled or purified water, add a pinch of salt and stir in clockwise 3 times while asking for Archangel Michael’s blessing. Et voila!)
  • Broom (A besom. One the brooms you can buy on the side of the road, made out of thatch. It doesn’t have to be a full size one either, in fact, it’s better if you get a small one.)
  • Coarse salt
  • Bell
  • Incense (This is for after. The rosemary, sage concoction makes your house smell like a pot hot box, so this is just to freshen things up a bit before your neighbours call the cops.)
  • Tongs (So that you don’t burn your fingers.)
  • Lighter
  • Stone / ceramic dish (Do not use anything glass. This has nothing to do with the paranormal, the coal just gets really hot and it will shatter the glass and then you’ll really need to use that broom and the neighbours will have to call the paramedics as well as the cops.)

What you have to do

Step 1: Personal protection

Make sure that you’re grounded and focused on what you’re going to do.

Step 2: Background

If you’re doing this for someone else, you need to have idea of what you’ll be facing. E.g. things that go bump in the night, etc.

Step 3: Create your point of safety

You want to set up everything in the kitchen. Yes, it’s the ‘heart of the home’ and all that, but practically you’ve got access to water in case things get smoky and kitchens aren’t usually carpeted, so you clean up easily if you spill sage all over the floor. You’ll keep coming back here throughout the process.

Step 4: Light the candle

Place your candle somewhere safe within the kitchen. Preferably. where it won’t blow out or tip over and set fire to everything.

Step 5: The tingsha bells / singing bowl

You want to start in the furthest room from the kitchen and move through each room one by one. In each room you’ll clink the bells and listen to the sound. You want to hear a clear, carrying even tone. If the tone wavers or goes dull, you know that you need to some extra hard scrubbing in there.

Step 6: Light the coal + Frankincense

Go back into the kitchen and place your lit coal on your stone dish. Use the tongs to hold the coal while you light it, so that your lovely manicure stays intact. Also, you’ll look really silly, jumping up and down and cursing as you blow on your blistered finger. Then top the coal with a small block of Frankincense resin.

Step 7: The clearing

Holding your stone dish carefully and making small anti-clockwise movements with your hand, you’re now going to go through the house, and each room anti-clockwise. As you walk you need to use the banishing chant, “One magick. One power. One spirit. One might. Shatter the darkness and bring in the light.” You actually have to say it. You can’t just walk around aimlessly mumbling. You need to aver it. Powerfully. Think of Frankincense as a sort of all-powerful anti-bacterial. It cleans out everything.

Step 8: The binding

Potter back to the kitchen (don’t forget to do the kitchen too!). Sprinkle a little dried sage and rosemary on your coal. This time start at the same room as before, but clockwise through the house. You’re going to confidently say the binding chant over and over. “9 were nonthes sisters, then there were 8. 8 became 7. 7 became 6. 6 became 5. 5 became 4. 4 became 3. 3 became 2. 2 became 1. 1 became none.”

Step 9: Sweeping clean

Back to the kitchen with you! Leave the burning sage (ha ha, almost wrote burning bush) on the counter and pick up your broom. Same process, clockwise through each room of the house. You’re not actually sweeping the floor, just make sweeping motions in the air. Imagine that you’re sweeping up a pile of leaves and pushing them out the door. Just make sure that you sweep everything together, down the corridors and out the back door into the garden. Once you’ve swept each room, stand in the doorway, look back into the room and use the broom to make an equal-handed cross to stop any leaves from scurrying back inside. You want to seal off every doorway into or out of a space.

Step 10: Sealing the ceiling

Back to the kitchen! This time leave the broom and pour a little coarse salt into your left palm and wield the athame with your right. Or just picture your index finger as a magic finger. Once again, whole house, clockwise, every room. Stand in the middle of each room and draw a pentagram in the air with your athame or your finger. Say, “I seal this space in love and light.”

Point at each corner of the ceiling and say, “I seal and protect the four corners of this space.”

Draw an equal armed cross in the air with your magic finger or athame.

Step 11: Sealing the floor

In every doorway you want to use your pendulum (or magic finger) or draw 3 circles in the air followed by a cross. Say, “As above. So below. None shall pass with ill intent or do to harm.” Go back to the kitchen and wash the salt down the drain.

Step 12: Holy water

Back in the kitchen, get your holy water. Damp the end of your right index finger with the water and draw a pentagram and a cross on the lintel of every doorway.

Do the same on your front door, but add a 3x spiral too. Place your left hand on the door and say, “This home is sealed in love and light.”

Step 13: Ring the bell

Just that. Ring it all over the house. Loudly. Then snuff out the candle, clean up your mess and dispose of the coal safely. 

What if there’s a spirit stuck in the house?

This could happen for a bunch of reasons and all you need to do is show them the door. Get your candle, connect to Archangel Azrael and ask them to follow the light as you walk it out the door.

What if you want to sell your house?

Get an old glass, wrap it in newspaper and put in in a black bag. Then smash the hell out of it. This will shatter all emotional connections to the house.

What if there’s a really dark sticky energy that won’t move?

If you come across a dark energy that won’t shift with the Frankincense, grab a bucket of warm water, pop in a rose quartz crystal, and a pinch of salt. Damp a cloth and wash the walls of the room from floor to ceiling. When you’re done, wash the water down the drain and bury the crystal in the garden.

What about mirrors?

You should never have your bed reflected in a mirror. If you do, you should cover the mirror before you go to sleep. You don’t want to be Alice and go beyond the looking glass or have the Red Queen spying on you when you get dressed. Take a little of your holy water and dab it on each corner of the mirror and once in the middle. Then make a fist and say, “This portal is closed for business. How about you come back, never?”

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