I’m not an advocate of internet shaming, but this has gone too far.
I’m babysitting my mother’s beloved Golden Retriever, Angus, for a week while she sips Mai Tais on the banks of the Crocodile River.
It was supposed to be the thin end of the wedge and ease my husband into the idea of a new puppy. It has had quite the opposite effect.
There’s nothing like causing a neighbourhood spectacle at 7:30 in the morning in rush hour traffic.
That was me this morning – running like a crazy woman, high heels in my hand and a blowing ineffectually on a silent whistle.
Like they don’t think I’m weird enough after the whole painted eggs incident.
Angus would see me, stop, wag his tail and wait until I made a mad rush for him, at which point he’d bounce back 10 meters and laugh at me.
This went on until I couldn’t stand it anymore and went home to wait for him to get bored and return.
After 45 minutes, I was freaking out.
I thought I’d lost my mother’s child. I called the neighbourhood watch, the security company and the vet and shared my tale of woe.
With all these lovely people mobilised the area was canvassed as Angus took increasing pleasure in knowing the havoc he had wrecked.
When everyone had just about given up, he waltzed back into yard, swam in the fish pond and went to sleep in a sunny spot like nothing had happened.
And he is sexist.
At 2am he demanded to be let out and then refused to come back in.
In sleep deprived fury I went back to bed.
After enduring 20 minutes of him barking inanely my husband got up and opened the door, yelled “Angus! Get in here.” And he did. He bloody well did.
Forget that I stood out in the middle of the damn night yelling the exact same thing.
Apparently, he only listens to men.
Angus is exceptionally well-trained. He can shake paws, sit and stay and practically do cartwheels on demand.
But, and this is the crux…
Only when he feels like it.
I am at the mercy of a sexist, masochistic prima donna who thinks I exist only to provide him with entertainment.
If he wasn’t so incredibly beautiful and sweet when he isn’t causing chaos…