Down the Rabbit Hole

Alice cat

Monday morning dawns and for the first time in just about forever I have nowhere to be.

The sink feeling in my stomach doesn’t come from Sunday night blues, but from a deep fear that this unseen hiatus will last forever.

alice cat 2Last week my contract was cancelled.

I have been on a whirlwind of recruitment agency interviews and now I sit.

Numb and a little broken waiting for a reprieve.

I knew going into freelancing this was a possibility, but the honest to goodness truth of it scares me to my bones.

I feel quite quite lost.

Very Alice in Wonderland in a world that makes no sense at all and a stupid grinning orange cat that is no help at all.

I have realised that I much more prefer moaning about late nights and too much work to this vacuum abyss.

alice rabbitPerhaps I should write that Mills and Boon I’ve promising myself.

Perhaps I should throw out my old clothes.

Perhaps I should just go back to bed and dream.

Perhaps I should become the world’s first caramel vodka drunk.

Is that possible?

I am a useless drinker, so that would  be a bust.

quicksandI am quite literally mired in quicksand of self-pity and it is not a good place to be mentally, spiritually and definitely not physically.

And if that is not enough there appears to be a boa constrictor wrapped tightly around my chest.

There must be other things I can do to earn my keep, but right now I am drawing a blank.

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16 thoughts on “Down the Rabbit Hole

  1. Hey Babe – it’s not that bad – been here before 🙂

    Plant the flower pack next to our vegetable garden, then when they flower you will have something to smile about.

    I remember when Kevin did a movie he was always down at the end since he had been ‘out of it’ for a while. But when he was doing adverts he met more people so there was always more work. Movies were over month’s adverts days. One is more secure but pays less the other less secure but pays more.

    Don’t panic, just take a towel to interviews.

      • Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,

        … a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: nonhitchhiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, washcloth, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet-weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitchhiker might accidentally have “lost”. What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man (woman) to be reckoned with.

  2. Victoria, I know what you are going through. I have been unemployed since the end of July. I am in the throes of a life-change as I have done a course to be a humanist (Civil Celebrant) to conduct Funerals. I am 58, I have worked in offices since I was 16. I need a change. I wanted a change. I have looked at what I know I am capable of doing and conducting services is it. Go back to bed if you need, dream of something outside the square and make that caramel Vodka– for we only live once and are a long time dead. Ps: Make that two drinks – I’m coming over to join you. 🙂 Hang in there, it is daunting and frightening until that light bulb goes off and tells us what we should be doing..not have to do. 🙂

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