The Big Red Button


You know the ones of which I speak?

Those Big Red Buttons that say “Do Not Push”.

They should make them another colour.

French matador Sebastian Castella performs a backpass on a bull during a bullfight in the Maestranza bullring in SevilleBig Red Buttons are to most men what a red flag is to a bull.

They can’t help it.

They have to push them.

I think it is a testosterone thing.

ginger-cat-highest-positionOr like when my cat teases the dogs by running in circles across the lawn and then up a tree where it perches in feline laughter as the dogs crash into the tree trunk.

The cat can do this all day.

And the dogs never learn.

At the supermarket I try to hang back from the teller.

The teller has a Big Red Button.

swatThe husband likes to push it to see what will happen.

I think it is to announce a hold-up or some dire emergency.

Anyway pressing it makes alarm bells go off and every till in the supermarket to shut down.

Then the flying squad arrives.

I walk calmly to the exit denying all knowledge of the excited male trailing in my wake.

Speaking of wakes…

Great Aunt Mamie stepped on a cloud to join the choir invisible.

As the only representatives of my mother in the United Kingdom, we went to the funeral.

The entire day was surreal.

My mother’s relatives, whom I have never met, eyed me with some suspicion and kept referring to me as my mother’s son.

I quite understand why my mother does not keep tabs on them.

1936The coffin was arranged on a platform on the side with heavy drapes pulled open around it.

The husband and I took a pew far far away from them and about halfway back.

On the side of the pew was a Big Red Button.

As the sermon droned on, our attention wavered.

The Husband’s eye fell upon the Big Red Button.

He tried. He really did. But he had to.

It’s a primordial, biological impulse.

Coffin-crematoriumHe pressed it.

We watched in abject horror as the coffin began to sink into the depths of the crematoria.

He pressed it frantically in the hopes that it might reverse the process.

It didn’t.

No-one else seemed to notice that Aunty Mamie had departed the building.

What were they thinking, put a Big Red Button halfway up the chapel anyway?

For all those who need to push the Big Red Button I’ve included this link to the Big Red Button Appreciation Page.



8 thoughts on “The Big Red Button

  1. OMGSH!!!! Sorry to say this but, that’s something my four year old does compulsively! Worse than any child I’ve ever met LOL! “whatever you do, Don’t touch that ok hunny” glaring me straight in the depths f my soul blatantly purposely pressing on to ‘touch that’ despite ANY consequence. I give up. Its not perfect comedic place but, it is a bit of a funny story. But, I am incredibly sorry for your loss…J9;)

    • Thanks. My son is the same. We had a beehive in the bathroom and I expressly forbade all to enter. As soon as my back was turned he was in there. Then I had to deal with a beehive and a stung boy.

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