Why I Won’t Join a Gym

Ever had one of THOSE gym experiences? One of the ones that either make your cringe in revulsion of the poor hygiene of others or due to your using a machine backwards? Ever seen a personal trainer make a grown man cry. This one is for you from Jen.

Sips of Jen and Tonic

Before the existence of 24 Hour Fitness, Gold’s Gym, or Curves, there was this little place called “outside” that people frequented. Membership to this exclusive studio featured oxygen, scenery, and convenient access no matter where on Earth you were. You could get it all for zero dollars a month, and zero dollars in sign-up fees. If you brought a friend, you could both work out for the price of one!

I refuse to join a gym. I think it’s a racket to overcharge people to do what they could do for free, and I don’t enjoy letting strangers see my body jiggling well after I’ve stopped moving. Other reasons I hate fitness factories:

  • Having to wipe off someone else’s swamp ass from the equipment
  • Possibility of catching a foot fungus in the shower, forcing me to remove one of my toes, and become off-balance for the rest of my life

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