Contextually speaking…

hair curlers

Without proper context meaning goes astray.

I remember people in terms of their context.

If they pop out of that context and into another one chances are I will no idea who they are.

Context also allows me to make sense of things – to find order in the chaos.

I like context.

When things are out of context bad things happen.

Like this story…

Before I tell it, it wasn’t me.

My husband relayed it to me after overhearing it at work. Men are terrible gossips.

On a recent shopping spree to the dreaded China Mall, home of all things plastic and fake, a trio of young ladies were perusing the wares.

On a table filled with plastic hair clips, hair dryers and assorted electrical appliances lay a long black rubber tube with an electrical cord poking out one end.

fong kongAccording to context she deduced this was a hair curler and proceeded to try it out on her long wavy locks.

“OMG!” interjected her friend, “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m trying to figure out how this hair curler works,” she replied.

“It is NOT a hair curler,” spat out her BFF.

“Then what is it?” she asked.

“It is a very large vibrating dildo.”

“GETITOFF! GETITOFF!” she panicked.

Here is the thing. Said dildo was made of silicon.

Silicon is sticky.

The more she struggled the more the extra length, wide girth appliance got entangled in her hair.

A similar thing happened many moons ago when I lived in San Francisco.

My very heterosexual  Greek colleague asked me to go along with him as a bodyguard to a S&M shop to outfit him for a party he was invited to.

latexWhile he was poured and pawed into a latex suit, I wandered the store.

I was looking for something safe to look at.

Nothing was safe.

On second glance the most innocent looking items were used for things I was better off not knowing.

Eventually, my friend emerged looking flushed and harassed followed closely by a buff young man grinning from ear to ear.

Keen to pay and escape his eyes were drawn to something on the counter.

A small silver ring.

“What is that?” he asked.

key-ring“A key ring,” replied the assistant bemused.

“But what do you use it for?” asked my friend.

You see, the context took the most innocent article and the imagination ran away with it.

“You put your keys on it,” I explained gently to no avail.

Eventually, the assistant and I demonstrated how to put keys on a key ring.

Context is everything.

 

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