Baby Talk


No, I do not mean the nauseating practice of calling a cow a moo-moo.

In my line of work I am used to unreasonable requests. I know all about the relativity of time when it comes to meeting impossible deadlines. I have met every stereotype of crazy client out there.

But I have never had a request like the one I had today.

It was for a gift tag. Nothing unusual there.

Except that the client requested that I write the message to be read by a newborn baby.

baby books053Not read by the parent but addressed to the baby.

Read by the baby.

I do not know about you but unless these are going to genius savant babies who emerge from the womb speaking seven languages and able to do complex mathematics, I do not know of a newborn who can read from birth.

I wrote one back addressed to the infant but in fairly simple terms for the blissful new parent to read.

I was shot down with…

“A baby can’t read this.”

No, a baby can’t read period.

Babies are little prohibited when it comes to communication.

gerbers baby foodThey understand hot, cold, hungry, tired and in need of a new nappy.

Pretty much everything else falls outside their realm of understanding despite what their mommies and daddies might believe.

They have one form of communication, actually two, no three – crying, regurgitating and peeing on you.

I do not speak baby.

I know this because I have had three of my own and spent most of the time trying to figure out if they were hot, cold, hungry, tired or needed a new nappy all in rapid succession.

No sooner had I found the reason for the cry and attended to it then another would pop up.

Such is motherhood.

The sweet-tempered account manager tried to soothe me.

I looked at her reply to the client’s email and asked, “If you knew this was well-nigh impossible, why did you right ‘will do’ in red after the comment?”

She replied, “Well, what else could I do?”

I hastened to suggest WTF might have been more applicable.

Perception in the Advertising World


17 thoughts on “Baby Talk

  1. Great read.
    Love the picture of the kid on the book lol
    And yeah, surely the person was playing with you no? 🙂

      • Hibernation is good..I did it yesterday, everyone out the house for 14 hours. I went for 2 pints when I took the dog out and just kicked back and relaxed. Good to do that once in a while.
        Sadly its 4:15 am, I can’t sleep, I have to take my Daughter to her Bus/Coach for her 1st trip away with Nursery and then be at the Hospital at 2:30 to meet my Mum..
        Long day ahead. But I will get there….
        Then I will hibernate 🙂 x

      • 😦 Nothing worse. I got sleep!! Seen my Daughter off to her 1st trip. And went to the hospital to spend some time with my Mum. She is only 54, so unfair. But life happens to us all..

        And I hope the next hangover is real. lol


  2. I’m all for it! Hopefully your next client will request ‘War & Peace For the Toddler.’
    When I’m Howard Hughes rich (and also as crazy), I’m gonna blow money on all kinds of wasteful crap–psychologists for my plants, lots of “As-Seen-On-TV” products. I’ll be living the life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s