No, I do not mean the nauseating practice of calling a cow a moo-moo.
In my line of work I am used to unreasonable requests. I know all about the relativity of time when it comes to meeting impossible deadlines. I have met every stereotype of crazy client out there.
But I have never had a request like the one I had today.
It was for a gift tag. Nothing unusual there.
Except that the client requested that I write the message to be read by a newborn baby.
Read by the baby.
I do not know about you but unless these are going to genius savant babies who emerge from the womb speaking seven languages and able to do complex mathematics, I do not know of a newborn who can read from birth.
I wrote one back addressed to the infant but in fairly simple terms for the blissful new parent to read.
I was shot down with…
“A baby can’t read this.”
No, a baby can’t read period.
Babies are little prohibited when it comes to communication.
Pretty much everything else falls outside their realm of understanding despite what their mommies and daddies might believe.
They have one form of communication, actually two, no three – crying, regurgitating and peeing on you.
I do not speak baby.
I know this because I have had three of my own and spent most of the time trying to figure out if they were hot, cold, hungry, tired or needed a new nappy all in rapid succession.
No sooner had I found the reason for the cry and attended to it then another would pop up.
Such is motherhood.
The sweet-tempered account manager tried to soothe me.
I looked at her reply to the client’s email and asked, “If you knew this was well-nigh impossible, why did you right ‘will do’ in red after the comment?”
She replied, “Well, what else could I do?”
I hastened to suggest WTF might have been more applicable.