The Ladyboy and the Rhino

Who would you send to kill a rhino?

A big game hunter

A Thai ladyboy

An ex Navy Seal

Answer: A Thai ladyboy

Yes, it confused me too, but it is apparently the truth.

At long last Mr Chumlong Lemthongthai is in the dock as the kingpin behind the wholesale slaughter of our rhinos in pursuit of the never-ending priapism. Caught with 25 horns he can look forward to 250 years in a South African jail.

Anders Breivik can rant all he likes about human rights abuse in Norway’s prisons, but behind South African bars not being able to send an email is the last of your worries.

But, back to the ladyboys. Chumlong I-love-you-long-time didn’t enlist the help of big game hunters, oh no, instead he hired some Thai prostitutes.

I vaguely wonder how many of them ended up running for their lives in feather boas and stilettos while a pride of lions burped out Thai takeout.

If only I were a cartoonist, the opportunities would be endless.

Regardless, they have managed to kill over 500 rhinos so far this year and deserve a death far worse than being an entree for a 120 pound feline.

While I would nothing better than to grab a high powered sniper rifle and send a few of these guys to the happy hunting ground, I’m a city girl. As a result us city dwellers have to come up with new ways to protect the beast with the bodger on his bonce.

You can buy a Rhino Force bracelet for R30 or about 3 dollars.

Each bracelet is made with white, red and black beads separated by a coconut seed.

The black and red beads represent the black and white rhinos, and the red beads signify their plight.

The coconut seeds reflect the rhino’s colour and tough exterior.

All profits from the sale of these bracelets goes towards rhino conservation work.

You can also have some fun while saving these short sighted, bad tempered, but much loved animals, by downloading the Rhino Hero game on your iPad or PC.

Designed by ShortBlackMocca Rhino Hero is a great way to get involved and more importantly to get your kids involved. Education is the key to conservation.

An Android version is under construction, but for the Apple Addicts you can download it from the app store by following this link. It’s time to be a hero and stomp out some poachers.

Some of our reserves have resorted to moving these biological tanks into the middle of militarised zones. And Beyond is moving their rhino population into Botswana where they will be ringed by the military.

There are a lot of easy ways you can do something to help, from just talking about it to making sure your kids have seen a rhino.

To find out more about what you can do just Google “How can I help save the rhino”, there are so many ways I can’t list them all here.

I know it seems strange to care so much about rhinos when people are dying from HIV/AIDS, the aftermath of natural disasters like Sandy or starvation, but to wipe out a species based on an the non existence evidence on the medicine qualities of their horns is short sighted and self defeating.

After all, we are talking about the same people currently running a vibrant trade in freeze dried foetuses. Yes, apparently consuming the dead flesh of babies can cure cancer and are the equivalent of the fountain of youth.

I am sure Mr Chumlong will enjoy every moment of his term in Pollsmoor as a guest of the South African Prison Services.

I am also confident that very soon he will be wishing for something that worked in the exact opposite way of rhino horn and maybe a tube of KY.

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