My little pink laptop had sent her last email, blogged her last breath. On informing my husband of this fact I was assured he could administer CPR and once more raise her Lazarus-like from the great beyond.
Around this point I found myself channelling Monty Python.
“It’s passed on!” I squawked at him. “This laptop is no more. It has ceased to be. It’s expired and gone to the great Windows in the sky. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life. It rests in peace. If it were a parrot it’d be pushing up the daisies! Its little hard drive is now history. It’s kicked the bucket. Shuffled off its mortal coil and joined the bleeding choir invisible. The only email it will now receive will be from the Great God Almighty. It is an ex-laptop.”
“Oh well”, sighed husband, “I suppose we’d better replace it.”
I would like to blame the demise of the laptop on the fact that my primary consideration when purchasing it was that it be pink.
She wasn’t a bad laptop. My little Sony Vaio served me well over the years. She’d been suffering from a bit of dementia and when her batteries packed up I knew she was on her last legs. Even her little hinges were suffering arthritic pangs.
Still, her death on the day I had to dig myself out of an avalanche of deadlines was untimely to say the least.
Husband, sweet man that he is, came to my rescue waving a tiny HP Mini on loan courtesy of his IT department. It turns out there is a reason no-one was using it. It speaks Swedish. According to the sticker on the bottom of the screen her name is Helga. A name that describes well her ornery personality.
Her keyboard is filled with umlauts and A’s with little o’s on top. She translates websites into Swedish and underlines all my English words with angry red warnings. It took me day to find a way around her convoluted reasoning.
Yes, you can change her language filters. Only it helps if you speak enough Swedish to find out where the hell they are. On the first evening, long suffering husband sat down and conned her into thinking she had an English keyboard.
Oh yes please.
Can I get one in pink?
It just smarts that the money I was going to use to pay a surprise birthday visit to my Dad will now have to be spent on this essential tool for my livelihood. On the bright side, at least I have the cash.