Eggs don’t fly

Egg with Wings by David the Divine

Eggs have the potential to fly – if you could say that the inane flutterings of a chicken resembles flying.

However, an egg does not travel airbourne well.


You can try this at home – stand on one side of the kitchen and fling the egg across the room and watch what happens.

One unholy mess.

This being the case it begs the question why, oh why, do airlines insist on serving eggs for breakfast.

Here is an itemised list as to why they should stop this revolting practice post-haste.

1. Eggs should never be made in bulk

2. Eggs should not be freeze-dried or reconstituted (unless you are in a space station orbiting Mars and have run out of everything else – maybe not even then)

3. Eggs should not be reheated. This does something to their quantum physics and turns them a thing closely resembling crunchy rubber

4. Eggs should not be eaten in close confined spaces – like aeroplanes – this is because egg exhaust fumes are released as a dark brown sulphurous cloud over the inhabitants leading to mass rioting

5. Immigration queues are best irritating, but when hundreds of travellers come together after an airline egg breakfast it becomes beyond tolerable – especially when the loos are strategically placed on the far side of passport control

Not that the continental option is much better. Having been frozen solid for 8 hours you can use the croissant like a deadly icy boomerang.

I give up, next time I am taking sandwiches and a gas mask.


5 thoughts on “Eggs don’t fly

  1. The only thing more hideous than freeze-fried eggs are the weird, pale, sad attempts at freeze-dried bacon that they try to serve with it. Airplanes should serve things that do well in MRE form…even if it means beef stew for breakfast. Your system’s already pretty messed up from a long flight anyway.

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