Koni was here

Joseph Kony

Hold onto to your hats, the world just found about Joseph Kony!

Pity it comes about two decades too late.

He is a very bad man, there is no denying the atrocities he is responsible for. The world acknowledged that when issuing a warrant for his arrest, in wait for it… 2005! Yes, 2005!

Perhaps if Rhianna and that teenage singer whathisname had paid attention a few years ago it might have mattered. But oh wait, Uganda doesn’t have any oil to spare.

It’s not that I think they got it wrong, they just got it later than expected. Better that than never one supposes.

Island for sale on Lake VictoriaMy better half jetted in from Uganda on Saturday. After showing the viral video Kony 2012 around the Ugandan office (which I’m not even bothering to link to, because you’ve seen it already), he asked the Ugandans what they thought.

Most of them didn’t even know who the hell Kony was. The rest said bemused, “But he doesn’t even live here anymore, last anyone heard he was somewhere in the DRC.” That’s Zaire, in case you haven’t been keeping up with geography.

And my favourite, “Isn’t he dead?”After all, the last time anyone saw the man it was in the year 2000.

The fact is old Kony is old news here in the wilds of Africa. We’re busy dealing with the fall-out of Libya, Zimbabwe, Nigeria and Egypt. You know the millions of children actually starving to death and the HIV/Aids epidemic?

It’s all very well you know to send over troops and bomb the hell of a remote African country because you feel bad about bankrolling a dictator back in the day.

The thing is once you’ve done it you get to back to Ohio or wherever and leave a country in shambles with no form of government, but an over eager militia suffering a bad case of itchy trigger fingers.

Meanwhile there are no schools, no healthcare and no food.

Well done chaps! You’ve liberated a country into a state of starvation, rampant disease and the total dissolution of an economy.

Back to Kony 2012. The poor old Ugandan President is as confused as the rest of us Africans and issued a lovely Twitter invite for the Hollywood celebs to come visit.

Uganda is not a war zone. It is a beautiful country enjoying a peaceful decade (elections aside, African elections are always an excuse for a good set to).

Uganda Gorilla SafariI’ve been there and was impressed with the polite, friendly and incredibly patriotic people. You should give it a try.

Lake Victoria is beyond exquisite and gorillas really do live in the mist.

On his last trip to Nigeria, my husband came back totally unaware that in the week he was there the country was supposed to have been in full-out civil war with dead Christians lining the roads. Either their press censorship is world-class or the world’s media is desperate for a new headline.

Kony 2012 DirectorWhat really made me have a good giggle was not the sad state of Children of War’s finances, but the naked wanking madman in the streets of San Diego.

I don’t doubt his good intentions, but I am unsure of why he was suffering from malnutrition?

And surely he expected some attention after that piece of glorious self-promotion? I appreciated, along with many Ugandans I am sure, the many who have called it “The video for the misinformed”.

I think he should stay home with his lovely wife and breed the 9 more children he plans to add an already overpopulated world.




One thought on “Koni was here

  1. Pingback: Joseph Kony warrants issued in 2005 – Master Huldschinsky's Adventures

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