Officegossip. Watercooler time wasting. Coffee machine chat time. These are thingsthat make working in rabbit warren bearable. Not only can you learn much abouthuman nature, but for people like me it is a chance to live vicariously throughothers.
My day wasfilled with drama.
Baby Mama drama.
You name it, we had it.
Baby Daddy paida rare visit to Baby Mama.
Baby Daddy left his mobile behind.
Baby grabbedmobile and sent a garbled SMS to one of his contacts, who turned out to be oneof three current girlfriends.
She returned the call, got Baby Mama hence thedrama.
How a working man living with his mother manages to balance work, threegirlfriends, a Baby Mama and his own Mama is a juggling act of note. He shouldwrite a self-help book.
Lessonlearned: Don’t leave your mobile behind with one woman when you are jugglingthree others. Chances are they will gang up on you become BFFs and leave youstanding at a singles bar with egg all over your nice Armani suit.
On to parttwo.
Boyfriend dumps girlfriend, a classic tale.
The end of the relationshipwas six months ago. Definitely time to move on.
Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy.Boy ask girl out.
Date is rated at a 7.65. Not bad. Everything is looking up.
Boymeets girl and says, “We need to talk”.
What is this, an unanticipated pothole onthe road to true love?
Boy explains that the relationship, albeit in itsinfancy, cannot continue.
Girl is confused.
Turns outthe ex-boyfriend falls into the category “I don’t want her, but no-one else canhave her either”. In the throes of testosterone the ex-boyfriend saw fit tohold a knife to the new guy and threaten him with his life if he so much asbreathed the same air as his once-upon-a-time girlfriend.
Overreaction? Girlconfronts ex-boyfriend who proceeds to kiss her senseless. Good, bad or reminiscentof a dog peeing on trees to mark its territory?
Ex-boyfriendproceeds to outline the boundaries of their new relationship. They are notexactly boyfriend and girlfriend. He is free to sow his wild oats with all andsundry. She must remain at home in self-imposed chastity. Her phone must remainon 24/7 in case of a bootie-call emergency. Girl is uncertain of how toproceed. Is this enough? Should she be grateful for whatever crumbs ofaffection he throws her way?
Lessonlearned: do not date guys in the same circle of friends, it will blow up inyour face. Testosterone is a bitch.
Speaking ofthat errant hormone, my husband drove me to work today. It was though we weredriving on a highway of sperm. Hundreds of over-active male hormones inoverdrive competing to be first in gridlocked traffic.
I feared for my life. Infact, by the time I alighted from the car I was a gibbering wreck. Taking thetrain has broken years of highway conditioning down and rendered me terrifiedof German luxury vehicles. I kept my eyes closed for the drive home.
In the course of this nail biting journey, I learnt something. How much of it is true is debatable. Here is today’s kernel of useless information: The sperm of an 18 year-old man can live for 3 to 4 hours. The sperm of a 45 year-old man can live for 3 to 4 days. I don’t know what the lesson is, you can draw your own conclusion.
As weprepare for Small boy aged 6’s 7th birthday on the morrow I was surprisedhow hard it is to purchase a min-hifi/stereo these days. Everything is IPods. Eventuallywe tracked one down and it comes with… joy of joys… a tape deck! Howextremely retro. Mother and father of Small boy are very excited to play ourold mix tapes again.
He’s in for a good haul: Hi-fi, Dinosaur book,Transformers soundtrack, Hot Wheels track and a Bakugan dragon thing. Sadly, Iwas unable to purchase the Evil Emperor Zurg. He must have been defeated by theLGMs.
My childrenhave picked up some strange vocabulary from the programmes they watch. Itfrequently makes me laugh or shake my head in bewilderment.
Minion. Whosays that?
Regardless, what a lovely word.
I shall have to use it more often.