The Metaphor and the Truth of It

I have a pretty shitty issue, literally, I’m not just swearing for the sake of it. My neighbourhood’s sewerage system was installed sometime in the 1970s when the place was a single farm. Times have changed, but the sewerage hasn’t. About R20 million is currently being spent on upgrading our water system and I blithely assumed this would include the sewerage, but apparently it doesn’t.

I haven’t called 702, but I have done the suburban thing and written letters to my Councillor. During last year’s great Shit Storm she sounded outraged on my behalf but did bloody all about it. In the end my father-in-law broke down the wall between my property and the vacant lot next door so that the sewerage people could get access to the main drain. It was a short lived victory.

We have a new Councillor now. My husband has asked me to draft a letter to him using IT metaphor. Here it is.

Dear Councillor Bergman

Here is the thing. The antiquated sewerage system in Buccleuch cannot handle the current load and is exploding in my backyard.

Simply put, my Local Area Network (LAN) has been reinstalled and is working optimally. However, my LAN’s connection to the WAN is not. All the neighbourhood’s LANs connect together at a single node at the bottom of my garden. Currently packets of data are being shed all over my LAN. Let me put it another way. It is as if when anyone in the vicinity presses Print, their documents come out at my printer. Or how about the spam filter is not working and spam is coming out of the bowels of the earth all over my driveway?

More and more LANS are being added to the wider network all of which bottleneck much like the way that all Internet connections in South Africa end up at Internet Solutions. Only what I need is a solution because the smell is like opening a spam email only to infect your entire hard drive with a putrescent stench.

As our local Councillor, please could you look into a full systems analysis and possible reinstall of the operating system concerned?

Kind regards,

Buccleuch Residents

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