No matter how bizarre a woman may act. No matter how irrational. No matter how illogical. A man must never ever use the words “premenstrual”, “hormonal” or “time” “of” “the” and “month”. This will turn a highly agitato woman into a two legged, fanged and clawed beast of fire spitting pure bloody murder.
It is a fact and all men should take care to acknowledge its truth. I am not of those women who mark my diary with little red dots on the pertinent dates. However, I advise men to do just that for the women in their lives. This will mean in the preceding week they can deftly sidestep any inflammatory commentary.
My poor husband caught the brunt of it this morning. Over a tea cup. He accused me of taking it to work and losing it. I didn’t. I haven’t seen said green thermal cup for over a week and assumed he had it with him. Apparently not. I might have mentioned that I wouldn’t use it if it were the last cup on earth due to its tendency to drip all over your chest.
Somewhat bemused he asked for a lift to work before the school run. I took this as my cue to go ballistic. I grabbed this fairly innocuous ball and ran for it. I might have scored a touchdown too, but then he tackled me with an apology. Of course I tried to rebut it and continue my crazed descent into madness, but his terse, “Don’t argue” cut that in the bud.
All the time I was raging and going on about the sheer selfishness of wanting to go work early (I mean have you ever! Go to work early! What is the world coming to?”), there was a small sane part of me wondering what on earth was going on. The thing is that when in full hormonal rage logic just does not feature. Just don’t actually make the mistake of telling me that.
The last big blowout of these proportions took place over socks of all things. He couldn’t find any. I went crazy.
Sometimes I wonder how he has survived 11 years of matrimony, but as my mother says, at least someone is prepared to put up with me. Let’s see how he handles a teenage daughter going through puberty and a wife going through menopause together. We’ll have to wait ten years and see.
Image from: chrisscalf.com