Cabin Fever


Cabin fever is defined as extreme irritability and/or restlessness caused by being confined indoors for an extended period of time. I am not suffering from it. The longer I spend in isolation the more I am enjoying it. I like being at home. I like watching bad sitcoms and stoner movies. I like reading my way through a library of murder mysteries. I like wearing pyjamas and not putting on make-up. I like sleeping when I want. I resent being forced to leave the warmth and safety of my home for the insanity of traffic, parking and shopping mall horror. I don’t want to go out. I like it here.


My petulant whining did not work and my mother drove me off to some fancy mall in Morningside. I bought fish food. I tried on some boots, but as I can’t afford the 16 grand to pay off my operation I can’t justify spending 3 grand on butter soft black leather knee high boots either. Oh, but they were lovely. I wish I’d bought them. As it turned out there was no water at the mall, so the loos were Porta-potties in the parking lot and the overpriced froo-froo restaurant couldn’t make tea or coffee. Initially I felt some pity for the waitresses dressed in hideous frilly aprons, but after experiencing their concept of service quickly deduced that they deserved such ghastly clothing and possibly more. This is why I like shopping online and Mr. Delivery. I don’t have to interact with service droids. The best service I received from today’s little excursion was from the cashier at the pet shop.


My world has sharply contracted to my four walls and roof. Time passes in terms of the books I read and the passing of the sun. I am now allowed to sit up for 30 minutes and spend 10 minutes walking at a time. The sitting up is the hard part. Perhaps my centre of gravity has changed, because standing or lying is much better than sitting. As my nerves stretch sharp knifes stab at intervals up and down my legs and the nagging ache of pain never seems to recede. My friendly pharmacist sent me over some Synap Forte’s yesterday, much to my eternal gratitude. I thought I’d feel better by now, but I don’t really. My tummy looks horrible. My days of being naked in the light are officially over. Its full body swimming costumes and sex in the dark from now on. When it has healed a bit more I will get some talented graphic artist to design me a snake or something to cover it up. My belly button is skew! I have paid much attention to it before now, but now it is skew!


The father of my offspring is now taking them off to see a movie called Hop! Apparently it is about a bunny that poos chocolate jelly beans. How revolting. I am barely concealing my glee at a few hours of peace and quiet.



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