Forget the Human Torch, meet the Human Pretzel

Friday lunchtime I took myself off to the Kai Thai Spa in Parktown North for a back and neck massage and a head massage. There is something weirdly intimate and vulnerable about allowing someone to wash your feet. Then once the awkwardness passes a sense of peace begins to wash gently over you.

The peace is not long lived however. How is it that a tiny little Thai woman barely five foot two can be so monstrously strong? My shoulders definitely now hang about an inch lower and I feel akin to a Woolies spatchcocked chicken or Flat Stanley – maybe even roadkill. It was all going fabulously, I relaxed, breathed through the pain – good pain – and then… she tried to turn me into a human pretzel.

My body does not do that! You cannot wind my legs and arms around me like an octopus in a strait jacket and then put your abnormally strong feet into my shoulder blades and pull back. That sound you hear is not the healthy cracking of joints popping into place, it’s quite literally my back snapping in two.

Despite that, I feel quite wonderful and breezy, so light I could float away like a dandelion on the wind. Just whatever you do, don’t give me a clap on the back, I’ll just cry.

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