Mummies Anon

Why is it, that as a mother you crave just an hour on your own, and then when you have it, you have no idea what to do with it and miss the crazy chaos like a junkie craving a fix?

Speaking of which, I have come to realise that the 12-step programme could well have been designed for mothers. Of course we could never meet, because we simply don’t have the time, but still…

Step 1:
I am powerless and my life is verging on unmanageable

Step 2:
Only another power can restore my sanity, because God knows its hanging by a thread

Step 3:
I must turn my will and lives over to the care of a higher power (Who is this? My mother? Mother-in-law? Or God-forbid, the Headmistress and PTA Mommy?)

Step 4:
I must make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself (Must schedule this in Crackberry, could take awhile)

Step 5:
Admit the exact nature of my failings as a Mommy

Step 6:
Be ready to have all defects of character removed, preferably by a plastic surgeon who will return me to pre-Mummy boobness

Step 7:
Humbly ask medical aid to cover the full cost of removal of shortcomings as it is essential to sanity

Step 8:
Make a list of people I have harmed and say sorry (Note: Prioritise list, start with friends and then move on to birthday parties missed, Christmas cards not sent, homework not done etc. This could take a very very long time)

Step 9:
Continue with inventory and admit when going off the rails

Step 10:
Learn to ask for help from higher power (The Daddy? The maid? Facebook?)

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